||[Jun. 11th, 2004|11:43 pm]
|[||songs of the sinful
|||||*the rusted wheels in my head turning*||]|
my mom just got back from a long work trip to Cal. and she got me this really hot black bikini with cherrys on it, so i put it on. yea...fucking fat indents in the back of my legs. i love the suit, but i dont think i could bring myself to wear it with out shorts on top. i mean i am kinda ok with the top of me, i could lose like 2 inch off my waste, and i want more sholder and coller bone showing.
i can do this, i always do good all day. then when night comes i have a evil treat...i have noticed, so many girls around school, that have had "run ins with EDs" or self image issuse. and i just want to know why ? why so many? i dont really care about the answer for more, but for the girls that are not really sick sick, just not happy with there bodys. i am ok with what i "do" to myself. i know my own limets, and i feel that anyone can do anything they want, as long as it dose not really really kill them or badly hurt someone else. if my family and friends knew i was writing this, it would "hurt" them. so yea, i dont know what to do there. i just want to be able to be the weight i want! and not have to change what i want to make others happy, but i guess its just a game of give and take.... who knows. well im going to go to teh gym in the morning with my mom to work out my fucked up legs, so i need to sleep now.