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x_silent_sin_x

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(no subject) [Jun. 21st, 2004|10:10 pm]
x_silent_sin_x

_adorable_angel
[mood |crazycrazy]

I'm tired of being fat.

So, I'm going two weeks without food. Just water. I'll do excercise.. ANYTHING! I need to be thin. I'll do anything.

Do any of you guys know a fast ways to lose weight quick? Cuz if you do PLEASE tell me!!
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Guh [Jun. 16th, 2004|02:49 pm]
x_silent_sin_x

x_ophelia_x
[mood |sicksick]

Sorry I haven't been posting lately I have been struck with a horrid cold. The bonus part of it is I have sweat out two pounds.


Downfall is I get hungry easily. Upside is I can't breath...therefore I can't eat.


I now have my boyfriend and his roomates fooled into thinking I am done... "dieting" or I am "cutting it back" so they won't be watching me that much anymore.

I still purge after eatting pizza and other itallian food.

I still want to see my bones. Not much has changed.

Oh and welcome to those who just joined a few days ago.
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(no subject) [Jun. 16th, 2004|01:25 pm]
x_silent_sin_x

tryingtogetaway
[songs of the sinful |prayer_ by: disturbed]

i have never been good at school.i got an A on my english term paper that i spent like 15 hours on. my mom wants to celebrate by going out to dinner...yay
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(no subject) [Jun. 15th, 2004|12:39 pm]
x_silent_sin_x

tryingtogetaway
[mood |thoughtfulthoughtful]
[songs of the sinful |suicidal dreams_silver chair (acoustic)]

so i have been really cutting back on what i have been eating, but the bad thing is that when i do eat, its like really fatty stuff so what the hell is the point. of i am going to lose anything i have to do what will get me to lose it. i cant eat over 400cal! and i am just about out of diet pills...but i am making good money so i hope i can get more. but how to tell my boyfriend? he dose not like that i am taking them now, and he dose not know how much ia m cutting back. i feel pretty damn bad about this. i am really damned if i do and damned if i dont. so yea FUCK. i will just have to find a middle somewhere... and i guess just try to be as healthy as i can about all this. i mean i guess he cant ask for much more then that. oh damn i dont know. i just love him, but hate my body.
i just found out that a friend that i was "dieting" with last school year got to 97lb over the summer. but then her mommy and daddy found out...so yea. its werid. i know so many ppl that have had "inconters" with ED's and i think that alot of them are deeper into it then they let on. and i guess that is how most of "us" are. i know thats how i am. i dont want anyone to know anything other then "yea i cut back on how much i ate a lil" its safter that way. no one wants to be found out. its sucks... doctors, tears, even more pain then the ED already puts you throgh.
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(no subject) [Jun. 14th, 2004|10:39 pm]
x_silent_sin_x

_adorable_angel
[mood |crushedcrushed]

Heya..

Blah. Soooooo today would of made it 5 days without food, but last night.. I got hungry.. and I stupidly ate this huge chocolate bar.. 100g!!! Thats sickening! I can't believe I ate that..

Weird though, because before I actually ate it.. I was like scared to eat it. I've become scared of food.. like, each bite, will make me so fat and disgusting.. but I ate it. I was ao angry at myself, not only for eating it.. but during the 4 days with no food.. it was like, i lost NOTHING! i excersised.. starved.. for nothing! Fucking pissed me off.

My stomach hurt all night after eating it. So what has this taught me?

I wont eat! Fuck it, not worth it.
Excersise more, I will lose weight, I don't care what I have to do!!

Stupidness.. it sucks.. I watch my sister eat and eat and eat and eat!!!!!!! NONSTOP! and what does she way? 83! That lucky little girl.. why cant i be like that???
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bikini... [Jun. 11th, 2004|11:43 pm]
x_silent_sin_x

tryingtogetaway
[mood |distresseddistressed]
[songs of the sinful |*the rusted wheels in my head turning*]

my mom just got back from a long work trip to Cal. and she got me this really hot black bikini with cherrys on it, so i put it on. yea...fucking fat indents in the back of my legs. i love the suit, but i dont think i could bring myself to wear it with out shorts on top. i mean i am kinda ok with the top of me, i could lose like 2 inch off my waste, and i want more sholder and coller bone showing.
i can do this, i always do good all day. then when night comes i have a evil treat...i have noticed, so many girls around school, that have had "run ins with EDs" or self image issuse. and i just want to know why ? why so many? i dont really care about the answer for more, but for the girls that are not really sick sick, just not happy with there bodys. i am ok with what i "do" to myself. i know my own limets, and i feel that anyone can do anything they want, as long as it dose not really really kill them or badly hurt someone else. if my family and friends knew i was writing this, it would "hurt" them. so yea, i dont know what to do there. i just want to be able to be the weight i want! and not have to change what i want to make others happy, but i guess its just a game of give and take.... who knows. well im going to go to teh gym in the morning with my mom to work out my fucked up legs, so i need to sleep now.
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Er.. hey.. [Jun. 13th, 2004|02:46 am]
x_silent_sin_x

_adorable_angel
[mood |crankycranky]
[songs of the sinful |Everybody's Fool- Evanescene]

Heya..

I'm new here.. and I need a place to just talk about my ed.. because, I'm scared to go talk to the people I know.. scared to tell people.. this is even my second livejoural.. because I can't talk about it in my real one.. yes.. isn't that just pathetic? Mostly, because the guy who I like.. and likes me, reads my livejournal.. so I don't need him knowing about this? I don't need him worrying..

I haven't eaten in four days. I don't find myself that hungry either.. maybe the second day.. but it fades I suppose. I've been doing a lot of excersise too.. I need to get thin! I'm at a disgusting 130.. and.. I need to lose it, and quick. All that's gone in my stomach is water.. some milk.. some chocolate milk.. and a few sips of 7up.

God.. I want it to go all away! I need to be at least at 100 soon.. I'm hoping if I don't eat.. and excersise.. I can lose it in like 2 weeks.. is that possible? To lose 30 pounds in two weeks? I read somewhere that this chick lost 25 in a week.. I'm so fucking jealous lol.

I feel stupid for writing this.. I'm such a weak person.. I hope it's okay I joined though..

Blah, that's it.
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Plan For today [Jun. 10th, 2004|01:49 am]
x_silent_sin_x

x_ophelia_x
[mood |energeticenergetic]

Date: June 10, 2004

Max Cals: 600

Exercise: 400 crunches
100 push ups
2 mile walk



After this weekend I'll drop to 400 cals, than 200. Good luck!
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Ick [Jun. 9th, 2004|01:42 pm]
x_silent_sin_x

x_ophelia_x
[mood |weirdweird]

Last night my boyfriend came over and I had to eat pizza. Luckily I was able to purge and got it all up.

Tomorrow if possible I am going to be fasting for as long as I can. It shouldn't be to hard since Haven {my bf} won't be coming over.

Oh...and a brief request.

For those of you who have joined this com. Why not start posting? I can't do all of the post...Afterall I'm not living in your shoes, and I would really like to get to know you.

Tomorrow keep an eye out for my stats and fast starter, and some thinspiration.

Also... Who here likes the extream bone look and who doesn't so I know what types of thinspiration to post?
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(no subject) [Jun. 7th, 2004|02:47 pm]
x_silent_sin_x

x_ophelia_x
[mood |busyheadache-ish]
[songs of the sinful |newer jewl stuff]

Today started out with having to have a family breakfast and having to stay in the room for an hour or so before going to the bathroom. I tried purging and failed.

Luckily my father is the only one who will be in tonight, meaning I can skip dinner, and not eat until Haven is over tomorrow. I figured until than I'll be working out and working on images for this community. I want to work it all out, and if anyone has any ideas or suggestions I'd love to hear them.

So after my 260 cal breakfast I've had nothing but water, and that's how it'll stay.

Good luck girl's I'll post more later.
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